Bye My Darling
by Peggys Carter
Summary: Peggy has passed away and Steve attends her funeral


Steve looked in the mirror and adjusted the medals on his chest. He was wearing his uniform, but he all he wanted to do was go back to bed and stay there forever. He had never imagined this day would come. Peggy had changed his life. She was the one who had shown him what it meant to be an agent and helped him through his transformation. He had wanted to spend the rest of his life with her when the war was over. Get married, have kids, grow old together. But now any hope of that was gone. She was gone. For some reason, he had thought that as long as she was still alive there was still hope of a life together, no matter what her condition was. But she died three days ago, taking all hope of that with her.

Ever since he had thawed, Steve had tried so hard to fit in with modern life. He had eventually gotten used to the way of things and the new technology, but he longed for his old life. He relived parts of it with Peggy when he went to visit her. He always told her about the time she had shot at him because she had gotten jealous. One time she had asked him if he was scared and laughed and said no because he knew she would never hurt him. He loved their little chats. Sometimes when the weather was nice, the nurses would let him take her out for a walk. He already missed their time together. He missed seeing her face light up when he told her stories. She was one of his last connections to his old life and without her he was lost.

The night she died he had gone to a bar. He knew there was no hope of getting drunk, but the searing alcohol in his throat seemed to numb the pain a little. As he sat there alone his mind wandered back to the night he had crashed the plane.

 _I'm gonna need a raincheck on that dance_

 _All right. A week next Saturday at the Stork Club. Eight o'clock on the dot. Don't you_

 _dare be late_

He wondered if she had gone to the Stork Club. Perhaps she had worn her red dress, he hoped she had. He could see her sitting there, waiting. Maybe she even danced a bit. Steve had since learned how to dance, mostly on his own. He had danced a couple times at some of Tony's parties, but it never felt right. He could never find the right partner.

Steve glanced down at the sheet of paper lying in front of him. It was Peggy's eulogy. It had taken him hours to write because he couldn't stop crying long enough to write a comprehensible sentence. He wanted it to be perfect. He knew Peggy had lived a good life and she deserved nothing less. He had decided to tell about their time together in the war because almost everyone who would be attending, save a few ex SHIELD agents, did not know what it was like to serve alongside Agent Peggy Carter. Her niece, Sharon, would also be speaking at the funeral. Steve had met Sharon a couple times when he visited Peggy. She had joined SHIELD at a young age but had to fight hard to get the respect she deserved from her coworkers. Steve understood exactly what she was talking about because he had seen firsthand what jerks men could be to women in the field.

Steve stood in front of the mirror for another moment before grabbing the piece of paper and heading out the door. He arrived at the cathedral early but there was already a huge crowd of people lining up to say goodbye to Peggy. Steve slowly made his way up to the front of the cathedral where Peggy's two children and Sharon were already seated. People started taking seats and before long it was time for Steve to speak. He walked up to the front of the cathedral, took out the piece of paper in his pocket and began to read.

Somewhere in the middle Steve started crying. He barely managed to finish the eulogy before he completely broke down. Suddenly it all seemed real. For the past few days he could think that she was just on a trip somewhere and that she would come back soon. But standing in front of all those people talking about Peggy finally forced him to accept that she was gone forever. As he made his way back to his seat, Sharon gave him a hug, but nothing more. No one said a word to him as he sat down

The rest of the service was a blur. Steve remembered sitting there crying. He cried for Peggy. He cried because they would never have a life together. He cried because he had to let her go.

Finally it was time for them to go to the cemetery. Steve had been asked to help carry the casket, and at the time he had agreed not realising what he was agreeing to. He walked up to the casket and grasped a handle. He hadn't realised how sweaty his hands were and prayed he wouldn't drop his part on the way to the car. When they finally slid the casket into the car, Steve was shaking so hard Sharon practically had to carry him her car and they joined the seemingly endless line of people going to the cemetery.

They sat in silence for a bit, neither of them really knowing what to say. Steve didn't know what Peggy was like when Sharon was growing up and she didn't know what Peggy was like during the war. Finally Sharon spoke up.

"She talked about you a lot when I was a kid." Steve looked at her surprised. "I used to ask her to tell me stories from the war and they always turned into stories about you. My favourite was the one about the fondue."

Steve smiled a little, "I was pretty clueless."

"When her Alzheimers got bad she used to ramble on about how she had a date. I don't think she never stopped loving you, even after she married. Do you think you would have married her after the war if it weren't for, you know?"

Steve looked out the window at the passing cars, thinking about his brief time with Peggy, "we never really thought about our lives after the war, didn't want to tempt fate I guess. But yes, I think I would have married her. I wanted us spend the rest of our lives together, raise kids and grow old. I don't think I'll ever feel that way about anyone ever again."

Finally they arrived at the cemetery. Steve helped carry the casket to the gravesite and as they set it down, Steve noticed the gravestone next to Peggy's:

 _Angela "Angie" Martinelli_

 _~Have courage and be kind~_

Steve had heard of Angie, she had been Peggy's best friend, the only other person Peggy never forgot. As her illness worsened, she used to ask to have rhubarb pie and schnapps with her best friend and no one had the heart to tell her that Angie was gone. One time Peggy had asked where her best girl was and one of the nurses told her she was gone. Peggy cried for days after that.

Steve looked at the grave and smiled. Peggy had some wonderful people in her life. She was loved by so many people and had eventually gotten the respect she deserved. His only regret was that he wasn't there to love her too.

As Steve stepped back to take his place next to Sharon, a couple people said a few words about what an incredible life she had lived and how she would never be forgotten. Steve reached into his pocket and took out his compass. He thought back to the night he put Peggy's picture in it. He had done it because he knew she would always lead him home. And hadn't she? She made him feel like he had a purpose. She had believed in him even when he was small. He felt hot tears running down his face. He was furious at himself for letting her down. He tried telling himself over and over again that he had done the right thing and save thousands of lives that day, but it never worked.

Steve felt Sharon squeeze his hand, bringing him back to reality. They were lowering her into the ground. Soon she would be buried under six feet of dirt. He would never hear her laugh again, never see her beautiful face. He stood there, holding onto Sharon in order to stay upright. Then they began throwing dirt into the grave and people were heading back to there cars.

""Let's get you home, Steve"

"You go ahead, I'll catch up." Steve waited for everyone to leave before he finally spoke again.

"I'm so sorry Pegs. I hope you know that I found my partner. She was more perfect than I could ever have imagined: beautiful, strong and everything I aspire to be. Above all, she knew her value. I love you Peggy, I always will. You lived your life and now I must live mine. My only regret is that we will never have a life together"

Steve could see Sharon waiting for him at the car. It was time to go. He stood for another moment, resting his hand on the grave, before turning to leave.

"Bye my darling"


End file.
